Winter term has been really hard for every one. My suite mates are all going through really hard times. They all have pretty tough issues that causes them to lose self confidence, and it makes me sad that I can't help them, that I can't fix it. But we are all here to support one another, and they have been there for me during some really really hard times.
This weekend I cut my hair really really short. When the hair stylist finally put some gel in it and stuff, I ended up having what looked like elvis hair. One thing I have noticed is that it makes me feel more masculine. I have never been a girly girl, womanly and maybe even feminine, but never a girly girl. My new hair, which feels more like me, make me more comfortable with my own masculinity and gender in general. I noticed after I got it cut, that I walked differently, that I sat differently and even talked to my friends differently. I wasn't trying to act different, I just was doing it, it almost seemed unconscious. I suppressed my true sexuality for so long (I knew I was lesbian rather than bisexual way before I came out), that think I suppressed part of my true gender (or what my own gender really means to me) for a long time too. I think I am slowly becoming more and more my self, as I distance my self from what was once comfortable. My old friend, my home, my family. I can be some one new, and that some one new is something that has always been inside of me.