Sunday, June 27, 2010

So... its been summer for a few weeks...
and I am as bored as fuck.
I have not been able to get a job, most of my friends are out of town, so im stuck at home.
I found out, thankfully, that I might be able to get a job pretty soon. Well, money. For doing some market research studies..... maybe.
And friends are coming back.
Thank god.
But still, I miss knox alot. I miss my friends.
And i really really miss my girlfriend.

I just want her here. Right now. All the time.

Friday, May 28, 2010

So in a few days, I will technically be a college sophmore. I feel like I was just getting over being a highschool senior. I know I dont have to think about after college for a while, but after college is alot sooner than it seemed before. If the next three years go by as fast as the first one did, I will be a college graduate the next time I turn around. What the fuck Im I gonna do with my life?
Well, okay, so Im not worrying about that right now. What Im mostly worrying about right now, as I lay in the dark (becaue my room mate is napping and she needs her rest because she is very very sick) about leaving all my friends for three months. And my girlfriend. I really dont want to not see them for that long.
I will miss my girlfriend most of all. I didn't think I could be this sickiningly cute with anyone. I love her so so much, and I will really REALLY miss her. She makes me so damn happy, so comfortable, so... just... feel good.
It night time, Im tired and stressed, and all this sappy bull shit is probebly the result of all of that but its true, I will miss my friends who have now become my family, and I will miss my girlfriend who has only recently become so but feels like she and I have known one another for much longer.
I don't want to leave.
This only makes me think of when I will really have to leave, when we will all go different ways.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

I would love to, in the future, have a job or jobs that are a mix of: Dan Savage's, Ira Glass's, Andrea Gibson's, and that girl from the l word who works at the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian center who almost broke up Alice and Tasha (she was the head of the youth center). And when Im 80, I want to be Betty White. I just saw her on SNL, and it was one of the funniest things I have seen so far.
Can I please just be the artsy fartsy feminist dyke activist radio show host sex columnist writer that I want to be?

Who do I ask so this can happen? What do I do so that it will happen?

Dan Savage came to school on friday. He was so funny and honest and blunt, and just, well great. Hes openly gay, very sarcastic, very rude and crude and crass, and sweet and obviously cares that people are confident about their sexuality and them selves.
Can I the female version of him? well, the lesbian female version of him? (he constantly talked about sucking cock, and that is something I ams simply not interested in). He gets to be on This American Life, and talk with Ira Glass. He gets to talk about gay rights with Anderson Cooper on CNN. He leaves in seattle writing for a cool newspaper, has his own podcast, and fights for gay rights, lives with his long time boyfriend and 12 year old son. Oh, and lets not forget his toy poodle who is deaf and only has one eye.

Yeah, that life seems pretty good. Not that I want exactly that, but I want a wife, I want a dog and cat, and a house, and a job Im good at and love to do. Some times that seems to much to ask, and other times I feel like I could do anything.

So.... what it seems like is going on... is I'm a growing college student who is scared about the future.
Not that different from anyone else.
This weekend was the first weekend since we started dating that my girlfriend and I were apart. I wasn't super sad or anything, of course, I wanted to cuddle with her, and kiss her, but I knew she would be back soon. But it made me start to think about summer, how we won't see one another for three whole months, and how hard that will be. It also made me think about my real feelings for her. I don't want to stop seeing her over summer, or I guess, I don't want to stop the relationship when we do stop seeing one another. I want to be with her, I want her to be my girlfriend over the summmer, but it will be hard. I will miss her a lot.
I will also miss all my friends. I will especially miss gretta, amanda, kate, emelye and alyssa. They have become such great friends, epescially, "the four best friends anyone could have". I am ready to finish school, not have work, leave the drama, but not my friends, not my girlfriend. Is there a way I could just move them all to california? huh? maybe? Could I please do that?
She makes me so comfortable, well they all do, and I dont want to leave that. I dont want to leave people who I can actually be my self around.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

It's almost the end of the school year. Soon I will be a college sophmore. It was a weird year. It was... good, and bad at times, but I didn't think I could like school so much.
I found out a little while ago that I will, most likely, be co-hosting a radio show here at Knox with a good friend of mine. I am soooooo excited. I mean, of course this doesn't mean that some one will hear me on the radio and offer me my own show or anything (or even better, a spot on this american life), but its a start.
I just love radio.

Its seems like next year, I will be taking global feminism and anti feminism, digital photography, and beginning fiction.
Im pretty excited.

Friday, April 30, 2010

soooo my girlfriend just dedicated "my girl" to me on her radio show...

makes me smile
but also makes me wanna throw up a little because its so damn cute

newwwww term

So... I haven't written in a long time. I mean, since last term, which was a really shitty one. I mean, fucking horrible, but its all better now. I mean, I do have the panic attack once in a while. But in general, im happy. Im good, everything is just working out. Im taking some pretty good classes. Drawing 1, the teacher is kinda of bitch, talked down to her students, but i like drawing figure drawings. Im also taking intro to psych, which is really good and really interesting, i just have to remind my self that just because I took it last year doesnt mean I dont have to study. And feminist philosophies. Which is basically a history class, and we have really great discussions.
So far, well for now, my dreams for the future are to work at some lgbt center in some city, preferably portland, and work with lgbt youth. Then write a novel about my life, write a book of poetry, and then have my own radio show. Kinda lofty, maybe a little unattainable, but im working on it.
I also have started dating some one again. Its going really well and I really like her alot. She so sweet, and so goofy and awkward just like me. We both obsess over dollhouse, and love to cuddle.
Just... happy.
Summer is coming up though and Im a little scared. Soon, I will be a college sophmore. I hope I will get a good job. I dont want to have to spend three months away from this great new person who lives in chicago. I dont want to leave my friends either. I mean, they really have become my family, and I dont want to not see my family for three months. I dont want to not see my girlfriends for three months.

well, i guess ill figure it out.